I just turned 48, and something about that number gave me pause.
Not in a dramatic, life-threatening way—but in a quieter, more thoughtful way. It’s kind of when you start noticing patterns. There you start to realize how much energy you spent trying to find things it’s okay.
And one of the weirdest things?
How much time have I spent trying to meditate “the right way.”
When I was 28, I believed that meditation had rules.
I thought I needed:
- Completely quiet room
- Completely straight back
- A completely calm mind
- And the discipline of someone who has spent decades in silence
Back then, I had long curly hair, a thin stomach, and an uncooperative mind. And every time my thoughts wandered (which they always did), I thought I was failing.
But looking back now, I see something clearly:
I didn’t need more discipline. I needed a good relationship with myself.
Meditation was not supposed to be my thing know well. It was meant for me meet me inside.
So if you’re somewhere on that path—whether you’re just starting out or just starting out again—here are some mindfulness lessons that I wish someone had gently imparted to me years ago.
1. Start smaller than you want
We tend to overthink what we should do and underestimate what works.
Five minutes is enough. Even the three breaths you know count.
The most important thing is not how long you practice—is that he is coming back.
2. Stop trying to get your mind out
Your mind thinks. That’s its job.
Meditation isn’t about not thinking—it’s about being aware of thoughts without chasing one.
3. Your posture doesn’t need to look “spiritual”
You don’t need to sit cross-legged on the floor unless that feels really good.
Sit on the chair. Lean against the wall. Add a pillow.
Comfort isn’t cheating—it’s support.
4. Closed eyes are preferred
Some days, closing your eyes feels low. Other days, not at all.
An open view—soft, comfortable—can really help you feel present and safe.
5. Breathing is not your only anchor
If focusing on your spirit feels overwhelming, you’re not doing anything wrong.
Try:
- The feeling of your feet on the ground
- Your body weight on the seat
- Fan noise or distant traffic
- The warmth of the cup in your hands
Attention can rest anywhere.
6. Restlessness is not failure
That urge to move, stop, check your phone?
That is not you who fails to meditate.
That’s you realizing restlessness.
And that consciously? That’s the habit.
7. Sleep is the answer
Sometimes meditation feels foggy or heavy.
It doesn’t always mean that you are doing badly.
Sometimes it just means… you’re tired.
And your body is asking for rest.
8. Ten mindful breaths can change your entire day
You don’t need a long session to feel the difference.
Ten slow, deliberate breaths during a stressful time can completely change the next hour.
9. You don’t need a perfect morning routine
We tend to think of the right kind for us—waking up early, writing stories, meditating, walking slowly.
But life is messy.
A short, realistic practice is always better than a complete program that doesn’t.
10. Walking meditation is important
Not all reflection happens while you are still.
Some of the most basic moments come from walking slowly, feeling each step, and being aware of your surroundings.
Movement can be meditation too.
11. Meditation is not separate from life
It’s easy to think meditation only “counts” when you’re sitting still.
But it also lives on:
- Waiting in line
- Washing the dishes
- Listening to someone fully
- The feeling of water on your skin in the shower
This is a habit.
12. Hard sits are very important
Boredom. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety. Restlessness.
These are not interruptions to your performance.
See there is habit.
13. Say what happened
A gentle mental label can create space.
Try:
- “thinking”
- “Planning”
- “Anxiety”
- “Do you remember”
It softens the grip of your thoughts without pushing them away.
14. Be careful about fighting
The more you rush calmly, the more tension you create.
Peace often comes when you stop striving for it.
15. Consciousness is not separation
It’s not about being numb or distant.
It’s about being more reliable, more connected, and more present and what is really here.
16. Feeling yourself is part of the habit
You don’t have peace by criticizing yourself.
Kindness—especially to you—is no more.
It is important.
17. Some days, shorter is wiser
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, moving forward in a long session can set you back.
A gentler, shorter practice can be more effective—and more supportive.
18. You won’t always feel better
Sometimes meditation reveals what you have been avoiding.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.
It means that there is something visible.
And that, in itself, can be healing.
19. Practice with others sometimes
You don’t have to think this alone.
A teacher, group, or individual friend can:
- Provide clarity
- It lowers the doubt
- We help you stay consistent
Community is more important than we think.
20. Start again. Then start again
You will be distracted. You will forget. You will drift away.
Then come back.
In fact, this may be the whole trend.
When I was 28, I thought meditation would help me take control of life.
At 48 years old, I realize something very simple—and very meaningful:
It helps me to experience life.
Not completely. Not always calmly.
But honestly. With more sensitivity. More original.
And over time, that changes everything.
You do not need to take all 20 of these courses at once.
Choose two or three.
Try them this weekend.
Let it be simple. Let them be enough.
And if you forget?
Just start again.
