A Different Kind of Father’s Day: Raising Mindfulness and Care in the Garden
On mother’s day, I found myself at my local garden center, where I like to spend the holiday. In fact, my only request each Mother’s Day is to spend some time choosing plants and finding a home for them in my garden. This same Sunday, I overheard a mother talking to her children, happily telling them that the garden is her ‘happy place’. Her joy was contagious, and the children jumped, excitedly pointing to their favorite flowers, asking if they could take a plant home too.
There are many ways that garden mirror maintenance works.
Variations of this scene played out everywhere around me, mothers looking for and spending the holiday here among the moving plants. I wondered if the store would look the same in just a few weeks, when Father’s Day rolled around. I hoped it would be.
Benefits of Farming
There are many ways that garden mirror maintenance works. Anyone who has spent an afternoon weeding knows that it can be a thankless task, and that nurturing a seed as it grows to its full potential requires patience, consistency, tenacity, hope, and a bit of luck.
In nature, as in parenting, awe and beauty abound in the process, rather than any predetermined final destination.
There is a saying among parents that parenting is often more fun than fun, which means it can be deeply rewarding and fulfilling, but it doesn’t always provide instant gratification. This is certainly true in the garden, too. Fig seeds do not bear fruit quickly. An asparagus plant needs three years to grow and mature before it is ready to harvest.
In nature, as in parenting, awe and beauty abound in the process, rather than any predetermined final destination. Habits that increase the sense of wonder and appreciation of beauty have a positive impact on health. If you ask someone about their most recent experience of wonder (which I suggest you do!), they might share a moment in nature: a shooting star in an inky black sky, the sight of a glittering rainbow overhead on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, the discovery of a robin’s blue eggs that are completely different. Or, more likely, they’ll share a moment with a baby: a first step, a dimpled smile, a birth. Like any mental muscle, we can train ourselves to notice these moments. Usually, all we need to do is go outside.
Gardening is an investment in something that needs to be nurtured. It requires taking seriously the responsibility of caring for living things.
Research has shown that farming has a positive impact on health and well-being. Simply spending time in green spaces can moderately reduce stress levels. Time in nature gives our brains the opportunity to engage in what is called “soft rapture,” a state of diffuse attention where the brain, freed from immediate need, can rest, make new connections, and regain focus. Most of us have had the experience of going for a walk and suddenly coming up with a solution to a previously intractable problem or – in a strange but equally important way – returning to our desk feeling refreshed and in a better mood. Being a parent demands many resources, not least attention. As parental stress and the demands of modern parenting increase, it is increasingly pressing to identify both sustainable and affordable stress management practices. Gardens can provide a built-in wound.
Furthermore, while gardening may be a peaceful, restorative, individual activity, gardening communities abound in the form of CSAs, urban gardens, plant shares, and seed libraries, suggesting that gardening can feed the community’s brain. Recreational activities that promote social interaction have a positive effect on happiness (fun-fun!). And, in parenting, having a strong social network is a life-long protective factor.
There is something else that separates gardens from other natural activities, however.
In fact, fathers who serve as primary caregivers experience many of the biological brain changes previously associated with biological mothers, such as gray matter changes and reorganization of the brain’s emotional processing centers.
Gardening is an investment in something that needs to be nurtured. It requires taking seriously the responsibility of caring for living things. It is what gardening symbolizes—about who wants, comes, and needs to take care of our environment and the people we live with, about who enjoys cultivating beauty, about who has the strength to be patient, gentle, and kind—that makes it an especially emotional job for fathers.
Fathers as Important Caregivers
There has been a historic gap in research on fathers’ experiences of parenting. In his book, Father BrainDarcy Saxbe explains how new studies at the intersection of neuroscience and psychology reveal that we all—not just mothers—are inclined to care. This is reflected in the neural circuitry activated by the act of caring, not just, or solely dependent on, the experience of pregnancy and birth.
In fact, fathers who serve as primary caregivers experience many of the biological brain changes previously associated with biological mothers, such as gray matter changes and reorganization of the brain’s emotional processing centers.
Fathers have much to gain from their role as caregivers. Many fathers report that they find significant meaning and feelings of purpose in parenting. Interestingly—and perhaps unsurprisingly—fathers who act as primary caregivers also appear to be more vulnerable to the mental health challenges associated with modern parenting. They, like all parents, need support and access to tools and practices that promote wellness. Farming, with all its benefits to well-being, quality of life, and health, is one such example. To meaningfully encourage this we must first acknowledge—and better yet, celebrate—the power of fathers to nurture, shepherd, and cultivate.
When we take the father’s role as a caregiver seriously, we not only strengthen child support systems, we also effectively honor the challenges and rewards of caregiving in general.
Father’s Day is only one day a year. But holidays reinforce cultural norms and values. Father’s Day traditions can mirror cultural messages about fathers’ roles, needs, and desires, as well as the activities and resources available to them. If we pause to really consider the values we would like to cultivate as parents, perhaps we can see how an activity like gardening can offer fathers complementary psychological and health benefits, while also emphasizing their important role within complex networks of care.
To be clear, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate Father’s Day. In fact, there are endless ways to celebrate a meaningful festival. Regardless of how we choose to spend the day itself, when we take the father’s role as caregiver seriously, we not only strengthen child support systems, we also effectively honor the challenges and benefits of caregiving in general.
And, perhaps by more intentionally including fathers in some of the practices, communities, and activities that have historically been associated with mothers—inviting them into the garden, so to speak—we can expand our understanding of who desires, deserves, and has a duty to care for living things.
Smart Farming Practices for Fathers and Families
- Plant a seed with your child. One seed is all you need. Plant it outside or on a windowsill. Together, check in every day. Each time you do, share your observations about the small, tiny changes you see as they begin to sprout and grow.
- Go pick up the senses in the garden. Look at all the colors of the rainbow. Pick up the flowers and rub the edible herbs well between your fingers, noticing the lingering fragrance. Feel the sun, the wind, or the fog on your face. When there is a fresh fruit or vegetable ready to be harvested, taste test it together, enjoy the taste.
- Visit a garden center, join a CSA, volunteer with an urban gardening project, or visit a seed library. These are great activities to do as a family. Know yourself. See what new facts you can discover about native plants, companion planting, dahlia bulbs, and even cucumber trellises.
- Find a place to stay. Designate one place—a window, a tree, a bench—that you can return to every week. Each time you do so, set a timer for 3 minutes (or 30 seconds, if you’re doing this with a toddler). Sit quietly, noticing your own sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. Share, draw, or write down your observations.
- Invite a father figure. Consider bringing a co-worker, partner, or father figure to the garden experience with you. Share what you love about gardening. Show them where you find beauty, meaning, and awesomeness. While you’re at it, talk about what you appreciate about them as a caregiver, how they themselves have become a gardener of growth.
