If you’re overwhelmed and feel the urge to resist or suppress painful, confusing, or overwhelming feelings, use this meditation from recovery coach Emily Jane to practice being present with courage and compassion.
One of the core principles of mindfulness practice that can be challenging for people is the idea that it actually makes sense to accept our feelings rather than resist them. Especially when it comes to painful, confusing, or frightening emotions, this closeness to ourselves with empathy can feel incredibly counterintuitive.
This week, author and recovery coach Emily Jane guides us through a practice you can use whenever you need support that brings curiosity, courage, and compassion to a difficult experience.
Integrated Empathy for Difficult Emotions
You can read and practice the guided meditation text below, pausing after each passage. Or, listen to the audio practice.
When faced with difficult feelings, our natural tendency is to suppress or resist them, yet it is often this resistance that creates more stress and suffering. In this meditation, we will begin to gently change our relationships by creating space for our uncomfortable feelings. We will take them in and live with them sympathetically, like an old friend.
We will begin to meditate with some awareness, and turn to feelings, emotions, and parts of ourselves that we may avoid or wish we didn’t have to feel.
- Start by finding a position that feels comfortable, either sitting in a chair, on your bed or on the floor, or lying on the floor. When you are ready, you can close your eyes or lower your gaze. Let your shoulders relax, your jaw soften, maybe open and close your jaw a few times, create a little movement and invite some release. Allow all the small muscles around the eyes, forehead, cheeks to relax as much as possible.
- Now bring awareness up under you. Hear from that support, how it treats you. When your feet touch the ground, feel that connection between your feet and the ground, you feel the support that is already there.
- Be aware of your body temperature and the temperature of the air around you. Be aware of your body weight and the gentle pull of gravity holding you.
- Now bring your awareness to the natural rhythm of your breathing. Follow the breathing pattern with the body. Being aware of how it enters the body, where the breath falls into the body—perhaps the chest, stomach, ribs. And notice how it leaves the body. Take a moment to feel one full breath from start to finish, then the next.
- Now take a deep breath through your nose, let the air flow down into your stomach and exhale with a deep breath. And again, breathing through his nose and exhaling slowly with gasps.
- Now bring awareness to your whole body. Notice how it feels to be you in this moment, in this body. See if you can approach your experience with curiosity and a sense of compassion.
- Be aware of any feelings, note any existing feelings or areas of tension, discomfort, or difficulty. Whatever is here, see if you can let it be here and gently make space for yourself.
- Now, notice that part of you that knows. Part of you knows about breath, body, feelings and emotions. See if you can lean into your own awareness, this conscious presence, and become aware of your qualities. Perhaps there is stillness here, peace, or a sense of peace and compassion.
- Rest for a moment in this compassionate awareness. If it feels supportive, place one hand over your heart. Feel the warmth of your hands, the gentle pressure, just to give care and support to the body.
- Now recall a difficult feeling, memory, or situation. Nothing too hard, just something you found difficult. Maybe it’s something that’s been bothering you lately, a connection that hurt or upset you, or just a feeling you’ve been carrying.
- As you bring this to mind, notice what is happening in your body. Perhaps feelings begin to emerge, restlessness, tightness, heaviness, or a sinking feeling. Perhaps you are aware of the emotion. Just feel into whatever comes up and express the feelings. Describe any feelings.
- See if you can just watch the feelingjust being a compassionate witness to the discomfort or pain and allowing the experience to be here without pushing it away too quickly. Remember: you don’t have to pretend everything is fine, and you don’t have to like it. But see if you can accept it, make room for it, make it as it is. And if this sounds challenging, it is. It is in our human nature to resist discomfort, so if there is resistance, acknowledge it and be non-judgmental.
- As you sit with this feeling or sensation, notice that there is space around it. The space inside the body, the space around the body. Support under you is still there. The breath is still moving, and this feeling, this feeling, is only one part of your experience. It’s part of it, but not all of it.
- Now just move a little closer to the feeling then place your hand gently on the place where you feel the strongest emotion or feeling. With your hand offer these words, “I see you. I am here with you. I give you space, compassion, and love.” Notice what happens when you say these words. Maybe this part of you answers the words. Perhaps you encounter a little resistance to it. Maybe there is a softening or you find peace in the hurt or pain. Maybe nothing has changed at all. Whatever happens is fine. There is no right way to deal with this.
- Just spend a few seconds with this feeling, this feeling. Then bring your awareness back to the breath, and as you breathe, imagine breathing compassion into the body. Allow it to flow into the center of the emotion, and as you exhale, allow it to expand into the space around you. Breathe in compassion, breathe in compassion. And as you breathe, allow this feeling to permeate the fullness of your being.
- Now begin to feel the whole body. The support beneath you, the ground holding you, feels the support of gravity. Gently remind yourself of these words, “I would have hard feelings if I created a compassionate place for them.”
- Now return your awareness to the area around you. Notice any sounds in the room, air temperature. Invite gentle movement in the body. Maybe a gentle shake or just a wave of the arms. Take one last deep breath into your stomach and let it out fully. When you are ready, you can open your eyes and go back to your time.
