Can You Accept Both After 60?

My granddaughter Aura (who calls me Coco) looked up at me after a while with those big curious eyes and asked, “Coco, why does your neck have lines on it?”

I told her, “Well, that’s because I’m your grandmother, and I’m a little older than your mother, and as you get older your skin gets a little looser.”

He totally accepted that and moved on, as five-year-olds do. But I think about that interaction every now and then. The brutal honesty of a preschooler.

Because the neck has always been my thing. My enemies, honestly. I’ve looked in the mirror and seen a wrinkly neck for several decades now. It’s one of those things that I see all the time. Yet here I am, truly at peace with the fact that I am an adult. Most days, at least.

The tension between those two things? That’s what I want to talk about today.

I’m Not Going To Pretend I’m Completely Natural About This

Let me just be honest with you, because I think that’s more helpful than the talk about hugging your wrinkles.

Here’s what’s done consistently, and what I’ve tried:

• I use a red light mask (not as consistently as I should, but I do).
• I have a great anti-aging routine that has evolved over the years as my skin has changed.
• I got Botox.
• I’ve had laser treatments but it tends to cause rosacea breakouts so I’ve shied away from it for the past few years.
• I recently tried a treatment called Sofwave, which targets skin laxity and I love the results so far… I’m curious what it does for me in the long run.
• My hair is almost completely gray underneath, but I dye it blonde because I truly love my blonde and I’m not ready to give it up just yet. Even though I see a lot of women my age who look beautiful with their gray hair, that’s not where I am right now.
• My hair is thinner than it used to be, a different texture, so I’ve had to adjust my whole hair care routine to that as well.

None of this means I’m anti-aging. It’s me taking care of myself in a way that makes me feel good in my own skin at 60. I’m also focusing on these 6 items of clothing over 60 that go beyond clothes.

And I know I look old. I have oral lines. I have a neck. I have everything. And that’s fine with me honestly.

The World Is Sending Us Two Messages At Once

On the other hand, the health and beauty industry has a huge financial interest in making us feel like our faces are problems to be solved. Many women in our circles are trying different treatments, and it can feel like you’re falling behind if you don’t keep up.

On the other hand, there is this cultural pressure to love yourself as you are, let everything go naturally, stop “chasing youth.” That is, in theory, I am everything! I believe in aging with confidence. I talk about it all the time.

So where is it?

I think we were asking the wrong question. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

You can get treatment and honestly accept that you are growing. You can color your hair and be at peace with where you are in life. You can care about how you look and know that how you look is not the whole story of who you are.

My line is: I’m not trying to erase myself. I’m not trying to look 35 anymore. I’m trying to feel like the healthiest, healthiest version of 60 that I can be. That’s a completely different goal.

Stories We Carry About Aging

Many of us did not just decide for ourselves that aging is something to be feared. That news was fed to us by the media, an industry that profits from our insecurity. And when you start to see that, you can start building new ones.

I’ve worked in fitness and health for over 35 years, and the women I know who navigate this season with great grace aren’t looking any younger. They were the only ones who kept showing off their bodies, they found their people, they were always curious, they stopped the mirror to be their only report.

As a trainer in my 60s, I can tell you: the goal is not to look like you’re past your 50s. The goal is to feel strong, energetic, and aware, and enjoy the life you are currently living in this body.

I do a lot of things differently in 60 vs. 40, but I still love my life!

Menopause and menopause are no joke

I’ll tell you something else: menopause and perimenopause were harder than I expected. Fluctuations, emotions, physical changes, everything. I would honestly argue that it is harder than puberty, and puberty was no picnic! No one fully prepared me for what this change would feel like, and I know I’m not alone in that.

Coming out on the other side has given me a different relationship with my body. More patience with it. More thanks for it. There is very little tolerance for noise that tries to make me feel bad where I am.

You Can Hold Both Things At Once

So here’s where I’ve come to, after decades of thinking about this.

You can get a laser treatment and love the season you’re in. You can see your neck in the mirror and not get too close to it. You can color your hair and be a confident, accepting woman. You can care about how you look and know, deep down, that your worth has nothing to do with your wrinkles.

The tension is normal. It means that you are human, not that you fail to accept yourself.

What matters is the story underneath it all. Someone who says you deserve to be cared for, not because of what you look like, but because of what you can do, how you feel, and who you will be at this age. Zero judgment here.

That’s the story I want to keep writing. Right here, all of you. Where are you? you feeling too tense? Put it in the comments. I think this would be a really good discussion.

PS. If you’re going through menopause or menopause and want real, practical support, I have lots of resources for you on the blog. You are not alone, and it gets better.