Reflections on Working with Fear and Parenting in Love

Are you going through a period of struggle with your child? You are not alone. This gentle practice can help you reconnect and stay grounded to avoid becoming a parent in love.

In caring for our children, sometimes we react from a place of fear and anxiety. At times, we can even lose the love that lies beneath that worry.

Reconnecting with the foundation of our love and desire for our children to be happy and healthy, especially in times of crisis, can be incredibly beneficial.

This practice from Wendy O’Leary offers a moment of support and encouragement that can bring you back to that realm of compassionate wisdom—and you can return to it whenever you need help parenting in love.

Reflections on Working with Fear and Parenting in Love

Read and practice the guided meditation text below, pausing after each passage. Or listen to the audio practice.

1. Step into a comfortable living space. You can close your eyes or gently look down and rub your eyes, whatever works best for you.
2. As we settle here, bring your attention to your breath or feel the sensations of your body as you connect with the earth. Feet on the floor, back of legs on a chair or pillow. Invite the attention to settle down a little. Come to this moment by falling into the body and spirit and the sensations of the body’s contact points. Come in sweetly.
3. Now, I invite you to shift your attention to think about your child, maybe even picture them in your imagination, remembering a time when you felt warm feelings and love for them. Notice what they were doing and remember how you felt at that moment. Don’t even think someone asked you, What do you like about your child? What words, phrases, images, or meanings come to mind?
4. Enter gently and notice how you feel in your body, mind and heart as you remember what you love about your child. You can even invite that feeling of love and connection to grow and expand in your body, resting well here in this feeling of love for your child. Let yourself go in this feeling of love and warmth and care.
5. Now, think about a time when your child was struggling. You don’t need to think about the most difficult struggle – instead, go with something three or four on a scale of one to 10.
6. As you allow the situation to fully enter your awareness, check in with your body. Often, when we focus on difficulties, especially when they are related to our child, there can be a general tendency to contract and lean forward. Check it out and see if that’s true for you. To combat this tendency, lean in slowly. This can be physical dependence or dynamic stability. Prepare yourself and now invite the body to soften, expand, create space to hold whatever is there. We’re not forcing anything here, it’s just a very gentle invitation to settle down and soften. We gently soften the edges of any feelings we have.
7. Now intentionally invite that feeling of love, take up the challenge in the wider field of loving care and awareness. To help you do this, you can also remind yourself of all the things you love about your child. You may even give them some wishes for well-being and happiness as you imagine them in your mind. May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. Whatever desires feel true to you at this time.
8. If the situation you remember requires a specific response from you in some way, you might ask yourself, How would this love react? You can also give yourself a little care, because if your child is struggling, so are you. So maybe put a gentle hand on your heart, or take a moment to remind yourself of our common humanity. You might say something to yourself like, Every parent has problems with their children at times. Every parent worries about their child at times. Or another sentence that may fit your situation. You may say to yourself, This is hard, and I’m here for you, love.
9. Now that you are ready, you can open your eyes to close our formalities. This practice can be a powerful way to reconnect with feelings of love and cut through the anxiety and fear we often experience as parents. It can be helpful to do the first part, to remember love and care as a short daily practice for a while, so that you can easily summon those feelings of love and connection during a challenging time when you need the most help to raise children in love. We want to admit the difficult things and not lose sight of the goodness and love that lies beneath our worries and sometimes even our difficulties with our children. With my best wishes, may you be happy and at peace and continue to live with ease and balance. Thanks for practicing with me.